at least anxiety attacks make me tired enough to actually sleep :-?
im coming out of an unhealthy relationship and I wouldnt call it abusive but my friends and family and even my old psychiatrist and strangers who have heard about things that have happened in the relationship have too. it’s really hard to come to terms with but I was unhappy and distressed 90% of the time with or without him and I felt scared and controlled a lot of the time and im so surprised when I meet people and they like me bc i feel used to being a bad person who does bad things. im trying to put myself first and although I feel like I am an emotionally fucked up crazy mess n all my emotions are my fault and bad, i think need to remember that they exist they are fact and I shouldn’t be feeling that way most of the time lmao, basically I feel fcking shit my brains overloaded and existing sucks i can’t think straight when I talk to him and everything turns into my fault it bends my fucking mind up even more idek why im typing this I needed to just say it and I kno no one cares about the genetic depressed teenager shit I write but im gonna put some on the end here anyway bc im seriously scared about how im going to live the rest of my life lonely and sad, im just scared in general lmao im sad too much of the time and I hate it. I can’t eat or sleep properly and I only feel ok when im with people and drunk and im soooooo unhappy w myself I am the epitome of disgusting 💁💫💀🐢🌻🌞🌛🍓🍕🍟
[Robert and Simon insist that it is the electricity of their loving embraces that makes their hair so very post-punk]
French Interview 1986.
being in love sucks i want to run away to other countries and do gap year stuff until I forget about everything ??? im scared and sad I need to get a job and be busy