hey tumblr how’s it goin, it’s me, scarlett b
im currently living in paris and helping out in a nursery school with an adorable class of 2 year olds. how cool is that!
im starting university in september to become a teacher!
and i recently spent an amazing two months teaching and living in a buddhist monastery in nepal. it was as amazing and crazy and life changing as it sounds.
so things are going well.
im lying in my lil room in batignolles that i rented with money i worked hard for and im feeling pretty reflective about life. ive vented a lot on here and yall have seen me at my lowest. my bpd symptoms and panic attacks are rearing their ugly heads few and far between nowadays but every time they hit it’s as bad as rock bottom, which sucks. i almost feel lost without self harm and suicide as a constant in my life. but my plan is to find a proper therapist when i start university and get to the bottom of Why I Am So Fucked Up. so that’s going to be good.
my crazy ass emotions have been the cause of terrible things but i don’t think i would be carousing around paris reading fine literature and visiting art museums without it. i wouldn’t have travelled halfway round the world alone without it. i wouldn’t be so passionate about education and becoming a teacher without it. i wouldn’t have learnt to rely on myself like i do.
i guess this is inspired by the whole bpd awareness month thing but honestly im just bored in bed so if anyone has read this, hello and thank you and i hope you have a wonderful day and relish the fact you are a physical, or maybe not physical human being who exists on some plane even if it’s just personal. isn’t that wonderful? and that’s not even going into art or nature or small things like an ugly smile or a tasty breakfast.
if no one has read this then it makes no difference. we are all simultaneously dust in the wind and universes. this is absolute teenager-discovering-philosophy bullshit and i love it. wowee